CELESTE #2
They’re not paying the least bit attention to us.

CELESTE #1
You really should try using that pole.

SOLDIER
The one on the left is awfully bold —
I wonder how old.
The one on the right is more demure —
Or less mature,
You can’t be sure.
She isn’t much over seventeen.
She looks pretty clean...
I see what you mean.

CELESTE #2
I told you this would make no difference.

CELESTE #1
Oh! Oh! ...

CELESTE #2
What’s wrong?

CELESTE #1
Just sit there.

SOLDIER
May we be of some service, Madame?

CELESTE #1
Mademoiselle.

CELESTE #2
She has a fish.

CELESTE #1
He knows.

SOLDIER
Allow me.

CELESTE #1
Oh. It tugged so...

SOLDIER
There’s no sign of a fish here.

CELESTE #1
Oh me. My name’s Celeste. And this is my friend.

CELESTE #2
Celeste.
(Aside, to Celeste #1)
I don’t think he likes me.

CELESTE #1
Certainly he likes you.
You take the other one...

CELESTE #2
That one is peculiar —

CELESTE #1
How is he peculiar?

CELESTE #2
Why’s he so qui —

CELESTE #1 (to Soldier)
Do you have a name?

SOLDIER
I beg your pardon. Napoleon. Some people feel I should change it.

CELESTE #2
And your friend?

SOLDIER
Yes. He is my friend.

CELESTE #2
Why is he so quiet?

CELESTE #1
He’s very quiet.

SOLDIER
Yes. Actually he is. He lost his hearing during combat exercises.

CELESTE #1
Oh. What a shame.

SOLDIER
He can’t speak, either.

CELESTE #2
Oh. How dreadful.

SOLDIER
We have become very close, though.

CELESTE #1
So I see.
Both of them are perfect.

CELESTE #2
You can have the other.

CELESTE #1
I don’t want the other.

CELESTE #2
I don’t want the other either.

SOLDIER
Mademoiselles,
I and my friend,
We are but soldiers!
Passing the time
In between wars
For weeks at an end.

CELESTE #2
Shouldn’t we be going?

CELESTE #1
No, will you be quiet?

CELESTE #2
Something is peculiar —

SOLDIER
And after a week
Spent mostly indoors
With nothing but soldiers,
Ladies, I and my friend
Trust we will not offend,
Which we’d never intend,
By suggesting we spend —

THE CELESTES
Oh, spend —

SOLDIER
— this magnificent Sunday —

THE CELESTES
Oh, Sunday —

SOLDIER
— with you and your friend.

CELESTE #2
The one on the right seems quite attached.

CELESTE #1
As well as scratched.

SOLDIER
Admit it, old man, we’re not badly matched.

ALL
It’s certainly fine for Sunday

SOLDIER (to Companion)
The one on the left seems quite subdued.

CELESTE #2
I’m not in the mood.

CELESTE #1 (to Celeste #2)
You’re ruining things and we’re being rude —

ALL
It’s certainly fine for Sunday!

SOLDIER, CELESTE #1
My only advice
Is don’t think twice.

SOLDIER (to Celeste #1)
Would you care for an ice?

THE CELESTES
Oh, an ice would be nice!

CELESTE #2 (to Celeste #1)
Will they buy us a drink?

SOLDIER
Are they virgins, you think?

ALL
It’s certainly fine for Sunday!

CELESTE #2 (to Celeste #1, referring to Companion)
Is that a mustache
Or just a gash?

CELESTE #1 (to Celeste #2)
But just look at the sash!

SOLDIER (to Companion)
Did you bring any cash?

CELESTE #1
The buckles and braid —

CELESTE #2
The gold brocade —

CELESTE #1
The boots —

CELESTE #2
The blade —!

SOLDIER
Shall we head for the glade?

CELESTE #1
Heading for the shadows —!

CELESTE #2
Anything can happen —

CELESTE #1
Wonder what they’re planning.

CELESTE #2
What they’re planning?

CELESTE #1
What they’re planning later on!

SOLDIER (to Companion)
The one on the right gave you a look —
Let’s hope she can cook.

THE CELESTES
Taking us to dinner —
Maybe to the follies —!
Anyhow, it’s certainly fine for Sunday!

CELESTE #1
The one on the right is odd, it’s true,
But what can we do?

SOLDIER (to Companion)
The one on the left —

CELESTE #1
You’re odd as he —

SOLDIER
— has great esprit —

CELESTE #2
I don’t agree —

SOLDIER, CELESTE #1
The one on the left is right for me —
So the one on the right is left for you.

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