Dear Catherine, Life is like a see-saw. It's a lot more fun with someone else. Oh, that's good. She's gonna love that. I am a master of greeting card writing! And right on time. Brush my teeth in the shower. Shampoo twice. Clean and primp for an hour. Old Spice is nice. Then I’m off to Catherine’s. I knock on her door, Right on time like I have every Saturday before. She’s my angel in white. Another Saturday night in New York. Then we’re off to have dinner, Drink some fine wine. ENSEMBLE: Ooooh, wah, wah, wah, wah. AUSTIN Every night i’m the winner. Catherine is mine. ENSEMBLE: Shoobie doobie doo wah, wah, wah, wah AUSTIN I’m flying so high, That i can’t see the ground. They can see me all the way Down the Long Island sound Our future is bright. AUSTIN and ENSEMBLE Another Saturday night in New York. ENSEMBLE This city’s funny. When you’re in love everything seems perfect. Cabbies honk their horns Together in a perfect symphony, ee, ee. JEFF AND NYC MAN You tip your hat to All the ladies and they smile at you. JEFF Every “up yours” NYC WOMAN And “screw you” DIANA And “watch it jerk” ENSEMBLE Are in perfect harmony. AUSTIN Stop right here, buy some flowers, Just like last week. NYC MAN Yankees won last night, And the night before. AUSTIN For the next couple hours, Somewhere that’s chic. NYC WOMAN Billy Joel says he might go back on tour. AUSTIN All is perfect. What could go wrong? When I die can I Bring the whole city along? For this Manhattanite Another Saturday night in New York. ENSEMBLE Catherine’s waiting. NYC MAN Let’s go! ENSEMBLE Ever since you two first started dating, It has seemed like all of New York is Laid out just for you oo, oo. But then it changes And all that you know rearranges. And you start to think That it all almost sounded Too good to be true? AUSTIN Another Saturday night in New York!
Austin, Look at you. You’re a mess. You want Catherine back, for some reason, I guess. Well here’s how… AUSTIN How? JEFF Pretend you couldn’t care less. AUSTIN Have you met me? You think I can just move on that easily? JEFF You want her back Now don’t you bro? AUSTIN Um, yes. JEFF Then there's just one thing You need to know. AUSTIN Which is? JEFF Forget her. Boom! Kaput! She’s gone! Women come back. When you move on. They’re fed up with you. They list all the things that you lack. So you go out, find someone new. Guess what? Now they want you back. That’s all it takes. Oh what a difference A little indifference makes. AUSTIN Jeff, it can't possibly be that easy. Don't you think more people would know about it? JEFF You see that guy Cry in his beer. A girl walks up, Blows in his ear. Next thing, she’s Taking off her clothes. His ex has moved on. But trust me, she knows. She says, “Let’s screw. No strings.” He stammers, “Okay,” through his shock. Suddenly his cell phone rings. It’s her and she just wants to talk. That’s all it takes. Oh what a difference A little indifference makes. So come on Austin, Let’s hit the town. Go somewhere loud. We’ll both get plowed. Hey! It’s Jeff! I won’t let you down. Oh, come on Austin. She’s a memory just let it fade. We’ll get each others’ backs. Let loose! Relax! Who knows? You might even get laid. AUSTIN I don’t know Jeff. JEFF Come on Austin. If you go out, have fun, somewhere Catherine will sense that you’re happy and come running back. They have a sick sense. AUSTIN Sixth. JEFF Sick. So let’s go out Forget the past. C’mon please? AUSTIN Austin and Jeff, Back together at last. JEFF That’s what I’m talking about! Listen, it's me. I’ll get us dates. AUSTIN Hey, I know this bar That Catherine hates. JEFF Do what we used to do. But look, Catherine’s back for more. AUSTIN I’ll say, “My God, You’re back. It’s you. Catherine, have you met the door?” JEFF Yeah that’s all it takes. AUSTIN AND JEFF Oh what a difference AUSTIN What an itty bitty difference, JEFF What a whole life changing difference, AUSTIN AND JEFF A little indifference makes. DIANA Take your relationship length or RL. First year of RL Is worth six months recovery. The second year is worth exactly half that. Now don’t you laugh at This brilliant discovery. Each year is worth One half the lack of mirth The year before was worth. Your aches and pains will soon diminish. So rebound time, RT, Is the fraction of a year It takes for pain to disappear. You go through RT, and then finish. Your rt is important, And it really can’t be shortened, No matter what you do, Don’t even try. MARCY What if I… DIANA So you can date around, but then Those guys will just be rebound men. That’s what rebound time is all about. And it’s as simple as that. MARCY So i give it time, Then find the one. I’m gonna go out and I’ll get him Once my rebound time is done. I have this picture in my mind It’s as clear as black and white. He’ll be everything i’ve ever dreamed of. I’m gonna find Mr. Right. Yes? DIANA No. We still need to figure out your rebound time. Are you following me so far? MARCY Yes. No. DIANA Some factors can make A relationship feel long, Like how right the break up felt Or the way that things went wrong. If you ask me it’s plain to see, That there are three things to consider When it’s all to be configurated. Your RL it can change, I know it may sound strange, But what matters is how long That it feels like you dated. The new RL, we’ll call adjusted RL, or just ARL. and it’s the ARL that changes with One! What number boyfriend was he? Was it low or was it high? Also known as the number boyfriend index, Or the NBI. This matters, it does. And it’s four, divided by three, Plus the number boyfriend that he was. Two! The who broke up with whom constant, The WBUWWC. you with me? If he dumped you, you multiply by five fourths. If you dumped him you multiply by three fourths. And number Three! The bitterness factor Rate the bitterness of the breakup On a scale of one to ten. You take that number Divide by point five, and then You get the BF. And it’s as simple as that MARCY So what’s my rebound time? DIANA Well, you actually dated for two years, he was your 27th boyfriend, based on how you are reacting to the breakup I’d say the bitterness is about a five. So, plug it in…dit dit dit… Carry the one…and…it’s like you dated for a year. MARCY You know it felt like that. DIANA Exactly. Putting your rebound time at six months. Officially. MARCY Isn’t that what I said five minutes ago? DIANA But now it’s proven.
AUSTIN I write poetry. Romance usually. I’m very romantic, But…But wait! I’m tough too, A romantic tough guy, Sorta like Rock Hudson, But straight. This one time, I wrote a poem for my ex-girlfriend. She said, “That’s the best thing I’ve ever read.” And she’s read poets. Yeah, Yeats, Cummings, you name it. She has all these guys, Bouncing round her head. MARCY She sounds great. AUSTIN She has insight that I swear Could win a Pulitzer prize. There’s a genius in her mind, That truly sparkles through her eyes. She’s so smart Being near her Makes your intelligence rise. But I don’t want to talk about her. AUSTIN So, what do you do? MARCY I’m a photographer. AUSTIN Wow, okay. What kind of stuff do you do? MARCY I try to capture the beauty of the human spirit. AUSTIN Hmm. Speaking of beauty, That reminds me of my ex-girlfriend. She was gorgeous, But she never really knew it. She had this smile, I swear to God you were blessed If you had one chance to view it. She had a look That could inspire symphonies. Or cause the most stubborn men To have epiphanies. She’s as enchanting as Hepburn In Breakfast at Tiffany’s. But I don’t want to talk about her. MARCY So, you have an ex-girlfriend? AUSTIN I don’t want to talk about her. MARCY Oh, right. Sorry. There are some things I don’t want to talk about either. AUSTIN Okay, like what? MARCY I don’t want to talk about The fact that I Can’t seem to meet a single guy Who meets all my desires. AUSTIN That’s fine we could talk about… MARCY I don’t want to talk about How many men Have claimed that they would be the one And it turns out they’re all liars. AUSTIN Now Marcy, that’s not really… MARCY I don’t want to talk about The day when I Experimented with my girlfriend And I almost came out. AUSTIN We could talk about that if you really want to… MARCY But there’s always something missing No matter where I search But that’s not what I want to talk about. AUSTIN Man, you’re kind of a whiner. MARCY I’m sorry, but wasn’t it you who spent the first half of this conversation talking about your ex-girlfriend?
MARCY If I added cream to your coffee. You’d have a panic attack. Just add a little cream. Just a little dab of cream. AUSTIN No! MARCY That’s why you take your coffee black. Oooo, look at you and your thermous. AUSTIN What? MARCY The one over there on the floor. Did you bring it from home? You brought it from home! You had it when you walked in the door! AUSTIN Big deal. I know how I like my coffee. ‘Cause I’ve got ways I get things done. I could sit here and list ‘em, ‘cause I’ve got a system. And maybe it’s not crazy fun. But it works for me and my coffee. It moves me right along. There’s a neat logic to it. It’s just how I do it. If you think that it’s stupid you’re wrong. So Marcy, if you don’t mind, I really am incredibly busy… MARCY Freeze. AUSTIN What? MARCY Say cheese. AUSTIN Agh! So how do you take your coffee? MARCY Well, that depends on when. AUSTIN What? MARCY I ask the barista. It’s up to the barista. AUSTIN Don’t ever say barista again. Doesn’t he find out your fav’rite? Doesn’t that hurt your device? MARCY No he never does. You know why he never does? I never go to the same place twice. AUSTIN What? MARCY I never go to the same place twice. AUSTIN Yeah but… MARCY ‘Cause I know how I like my coffee. And I’ve got ways to keep things new. I am always exploring, So life’s never boring. Well, not as boring as you. So being crazy with coffee Is a useful skill to hone. You don’t have to deride it, Perhaps if you tried it You wouldn’t be drinking alone. AUSTIN I’m gonna get Catherine back. MARCY Austin, she’s going to think you’re insane. AUSTIN Catherine, hi. How are you? I’m fine. Listen. I know things have been tough, I want to say something. Life is like a pickle. It starts off smooth, with no imperfections. But as it ages, Surrounded by other pickles, It becomes something pregnant women crave. And it craves them. I love you. Okay. Sure, fine. Yeah, I’ll talk to you again soon. Bye. I’m sorry I made fun of your coffee. You’re right. I’m wrong. You’re smart. I’m dumb. Please be my cupid. I’m hopeless. I’m stupid. I’m worthless, no I am scum! MARCY And also, you’re covered in coffee. AUSTIN I know! MARCY Stop flipping out. It’s all okay. This isn’t that tragic. I’ll help you. I’m magic. You just need to do what I say. AUSTIN I can’t believe you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. MARCY I’ll call you tomorrow. AUSTIN I’m going to write you a thank you card like you’ve never read. WAITER She gives suggestions He'd rather skip. WAITRESS She left a fifty. WAITER He didn't tip. WAITER AND WAITRESS His style's truly tragic. Her's is truly hip. The perfect romance. WAITER He likes things simple, WAITRESS But she's complex. WAITER He follows structure, WAITRESS Which she rejects. He's really only with her Cause he wants back his ex. WAITER AND WAITRESS The perfect romance. WAITER They couldn't be less suited for each other. WAITRESS I completely agree, But don't you see, That's what makes them perfect For one another. WAITER She'll try to teach him All that she knows. WAITRESS They're good intentions. WAITER Oh, what are those? They quickly all go bad But sadly that's how it goes. WAITER AND WAITRESS The perfect romance. The perfect romance. The perfect romance. AUSTIN Wow. I let myself feel feelings I don’t usually allow. It felt exciting. It felt scary. None of my vocabulary Can do justice to the way I feel right now. AUSTIN Did you see the look on that guy’s face when I took the carafe with us? MARCY That's not your wine! I'm an angry waiter! Mleh! AUSTIN I took off and sprinted Straight through town. When you got screwed I didn't take it sitting down. I did all sorts of things I wouldn't usually do. And it's all because of you. Because of you. Because of you. MARCY You just brought that restaurant To its knees. Now the whole world Knows that waiter's not Chinese. I didn't have to pay them For my Szechwan tofu. And it's all because of you. Because of you. Because of you. AUSTIN Because of you, I acted out of line MARCY Because of you We just stole some free boxed wine. AUSTIN Because of you I acted bravely MARCY And a little infantile. AUSTIN AND MARCY Because of you I feel a way That I have not felt in a while. AUSTIN I can’t believe that I got In a drunken fight. MARCY You stood up for me, When it wasn't polite. Tonight, I had a good time And that's a little disconcerting. AUSTIN Tonight, for just a moment I forgot that I was hurting. Tonight I felt free. MARCY You know, I sorta felt that too. AUSTIN And it's all because. MARCY It's all because. DIANA We go out in the evening, We catch a movie, dinner too. We hang out with our buddies, The way two good friends do. We just say good night, And that’s all right, If that’s all right with you. Friendship’s where this ends, ‘Cause we’re just friends. JEFF Who also make out. DIANA Friends are like an old shirt, That always makes you smile. JEFF It makes you feel all fuzzy inside, But it gets dirty once in a while. DIANA A friend does to you What you do unto them, Like Jesus recommends. JEFF AND DIANA And we want to be good boys and girls, So that's why we're just friends… With benefits. DIANA We each do our own thing. ‘Cause we're not daing, and that's fine. JEFF But every couple of evenings, Our things will intertwine. DIANA If you’re friends, I guess, JEFF A little caress DIANA Or cunnilingus doesn’t cross the line. JEFF No! DIANA AND JEFF Friendship's where this ends, ‘Cause we’re just friends. JEFF Who use chocolate syrup on each other in ways you never thought of before. DIANA Sure! JEFF We’ll be honest when we’re in the bedroom. DIANA I’ll tell you if you’re too fast or too slow. JEFF Thank you! JEFF AND DIANA People say this way doesn’t work. But I know that’s not so. JEFF If I suck, I wanna know! DIANA AND JEFF We will keep this our little secret. Why explain what can’t be explained? We don’t need a defense, ‘Cause this all makes perfect sense. In fact, it’d be stranger if we abstained. We won’t let this get weird. JEFF I’ll stand hard. DIANA I’ll stay resolved. JEFF I won’t take you for granted. DIANA I won’t get emotionally involved. DIANA AND JEFF I have lots of friendships, but this one transcends All the ones in which I don’t get laid. And that’s why we’re just friends… With benefits. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm And that’s why we’re just friends… DIANA who see each other naked! DIANA AND JEFF La, la, la, la, la, la, la, And that’s why we’re just friends, Just friends, Just friends, Just… Friends! AUSTIN I can’t let my romantic side get the better of me. We’re just friends, who really like one another. We just happened to end up doing what two Really good friends do. Like a crossword, Or a puzzle, Or each other. Things aren’t any different now Than they ever were before. This doesn’t mean, It couldn’t mean, Anything more. After Catherine I never thought I could feel this way again. She was my one and only, And of those there can be only one. But then what do I make of Catherine Who forgets what we had back then? I was her one and only, But now it's ended. It's over. It's done. Maybe I’m stupid To hold on now to this ideal. And maybe I’m crazy To feel the things that I now feel. But maybe, with Marcy, I’ve found something real. And maybe, maybe, maybe Maybe we just made love. That can’t be right. There’s no way I could’ve recovered so fast. She must just be a rebound. Even Jeff said so, and he’s right. I’m just setting myself up, yet again, For a flawed romance that’ll never last. This will never work out. But what do I know? Who knows? It might. Maybe I’m foolish And deserve the pain that all this brings. And maybe she’s using me, And I’m imagining all these things. Or maybe it’s a puppet show, And I’m failing to see all the strings. But maybe, maybe, maybe Maybe we just made love. How can a feeling this strong be wrong? It can’t. emotion this pure must be right. How can ignoring my gut be the best thing to do? It can’t. I need her and I’m going to tell her so tonight. Maybe I’m risking my whole life And can't see what’s at stake Or maybe I'm wreckless And we’re running right towards more heartache Maybe I’m wrong and we just made a huge mistake. But maybe, maybe, maybe I’m definitely positive That maybe, maybe, maybe Yes I’ve never been more certain That maybe, maybe, maybe Maybe we just made love. We just made love. We just made love. We just made love. MARCY Stop there Austin. Hold it. Freeze. Give me a second. Would you, please? You said a lot there. And I'm just not there. I need to think. Your honesty is real and it appeals to my emotions. Which is great but I’m sure Now’s not the time for Romantic notions. I want true love some day, But just not now. A picket fence cliché, But just not now. How can I make you see Though this feels right to me Now's not the time to be Quite where you are? You’re here too soon. And though i know it sounds unfair, If you would wait for me, I swear, I'll meet you there. I need some time to heal. And though your love seems real, I’m not prepared to feel The way you do. Let’s take this time. We’ll wait it out, Or else we’ll crash and burn. I’m lost and I don’t know What true love’s all about. Please give me time to learn. I want so much to say, “Okay I love you too.” I will but not today. You know. I know you do. And though it's hard you must Control your heart, and trust, I want to be with you Just not now. COCKTAIL WAITRESS Remember that night when I met you When you both hung out here in the bar I said to my friend there, “I bet you Those two they won’t make it too far.” He could have discussed any topic. He could have chosen baseball, football, croquet. So why’d he have to choose her? What a lame pathetic loser. You don’t need him anyway. Alone. You are better off. Trust me it’s true. You don’t need him there To always care About every little thing that you do. Alone, Means that your life plans Aren’t always set in stone. Trust me, You’re better off alone. Right? MARCY Yeah. Sure. BARTENDER Hey You ready to go? COCKTAIL WAITRESS This is my friend… MARCY Marcy. COCKTAIL WAITRESS Marcy. She’s rediscovering single-hood. BARTENDER Oh, welcome back. Maybe one night you were thinking, “I’ll stay in and give Neitchze a stab. Then again I could just go out drinking ‘Til I puke in the back of a cab.” MARCY He would say, “Marcy, that’s stupid. You are better than that.” BARTENDER But hey, Now his opinion doesn’t matter Go ahead and do the latter. You don’t need him anyway. BARTENDER AND COCKTAIL WAITRESS Alone. You do what you want Never what he wants instead. MARCY Not up each night In a stupid fight, When the two of us should both should be in bed. BARTENDER AND COCKTAIL WAITRESS Alone Means you never swoon At the smell of his cologne. MARCY 'Cause that’s just stupid. BARTENDER AND COCKTAIL WAITRESS You’re better off alone. COCKTAIL WAITRESS Right? MARCY Yeah, stupid Old Spice. COCKTAIL WAITRESS All right. We’re gonna get going. Good luck. MARCY Thanks for the advice. BARTENDER We work at a bar. We’re basically therapists who encourage you to drink. Good night. MARCY One day I might land a meeting With a man who takes photos in France. I don’t need someone begging and pleading, “Honey stay and give our love a chance.” I’ll go wherever I want to. I won’t stay where I don‘t want to stay. I’ll leave tomorrow or whenever And I might just stay forever, I don’t need him anyway. Alone, Means I'll never be So blinded by romance. I can act on a whim, Not ahve to check with him, Like, six or seven months in advance. Alone, Means you're never hurt. That is what this night has shown. I think it's clear to see I'm better off alone. I need him anyway, More than any man I've ever known. Feeling hurt with him Is better Than feeling free Alone. JEFF The two of us will start off caring All about this life we’re sharing. You and I Will be high Upon the fumes of love. You’ll laugh at my jokes. We'll be as sweet as two cherry cokes. And that's, that's what's gonna happen. DIANA Sounds wonderful. JEFF Then I’ll take you out to dinner All the while my wallet’s thinner. And I’ll yell, “Where the hell Did all my money go?” But I’ll put off everything, So I can save for a three-carat ring. And that's, that’s what’s gonna happen. DIANA I don’t care about stuff like that. JEFF And I’ll be sure That’s what I’m for. ‘Cause you bring me a joy you can’t buy or sell. But one night, you’ll ask, “Do you still love me? ‘Cause sometimes I can’t quite tell.” DIANA Now how do you know? JEFF So then I’m caught in this quandary, ‘Cause I touch your dirty laundry. But that stuff Is not enough For you to know I care. Inside I’ll blow like a bomb. But outside, outside I’ll stay calm. And that’s, that's what’s gonna happen. DIANA Well, maybe if you opened up more… AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY But then one fateful day JEFF Hey guys! AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY He’ll try to walk away, JEFF That’s right! AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY Despite… JEFF My misgivings, TAKEOUT GUY Second thoughts AUSTIN And fears. AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY And he'll claim, JEFF "It's me, not you." TAKEOUT GUY Though we all know that that's not true. JEFF Then you’ll look at me and burst into tears. To your… JEFF, AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY Surprise! JEFF I’ll stop and listen. ‘Cause no guy. Wants to make a girl cry. AUSTIN Boo! TAKEOUT GUY Hoo! JEFF But then you’ll cry every day. I’ll pretend it ’Sa phase. But then I’ll freak out And end it. AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY Aww! JEFF Sadly that is how this all ends. AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY Oh! JEFF You will go and tell all your friends, I must be gay To walk away From a perfect girl like you. Now your friends all hate me too. But I just did what all men do. AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY That's true. JEFF And that's, that's what's gonna happen. TAKEOUT GUY It'll fuck everything up! JEFF Now I’m broke and feel betrayed, AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY And he's not even getting laid. JEFF That sucks. And that's, that's what's gonna happen. AUSTIN Come on Jeff, bring us home! JEFF I know our relationship’s elusive, But it is better than being exclusive. JEFF, AUSTIN AND TAKEOUT GUY And that's, That’s what’s gonna happen. Gonna happen, yeah! MARCY When you first told me that you loved me, I was more than just a little bit surprised. But then you left And I realized There was something about you, Something so that I couldn’t live without you. And even though you’re just a little bit pretentious, Even though you’re more traditional than my dad, Even though, You drove me crazy from hello, You touch a part of me I didn’t even know I had. And so, I need to say I want you anyway I want you anyway Even though. This might not be the perfect way to tell you. But perfection never was what I did best. Two months ago I never would have guessed That I’d compare to you know who But now I know I belong with you. And even though I think your way of life is different, Even though there’s not a single thing we share, Even though You’re not like anyone I know, You take me to a place I didn’t even know was there. And so, I need to say I choose you anyway I choose you anyway Even though. The night when I first met you, you were freakish. Now look at us, we both have come so far. You’re not different. I’m not different. But it’s all together different. ‘Cause I love you in spite of who you are. And even though You're so much paler than my dream man, Even though You’re such a dork And I don’t feel the way I should, Even though, I should stop, well here I go, I love you in a way I didn’t even know I could. And so I need to say I love you anyway, I love you anyway Even though. He hurt me hard. He won’t commit. He doesn’t believe in Love, not even A little bit. I’m questioning the things I thought i knew to be true. I don’t know why I love him, But I do. MARCY I wanted him, ‘Cause he was wrong. I’m not certain how, But with him now Is where I belong. He’s an idiot and a stuffed shirt and a republican too. I don’t know why I love him, But I do. JEFF She’s like every woman I’ve ever met, Who say’s casual’s okay. But they don’t mean what they say. There’s nothing special about her. What does she look like? I forget. I’m certain I’m better off without her. I don’t need her anyway.
But I do. JEFF But I do. MARCY But I do. COCKTAIL WAITRESS Somewhere there are birds Singing sweet lovely songs. And a guy tells a girl in her arms he belongs. People say, “You’ll find the one, If you just look we guarantee.” Well, I’ve looked and looked and looked and looked. But there’s no one for me. BARTENDER Don’t I know it. I’ve searched this whole island, Queens and Brooklyn, Even Hoboken. But for some of us Our only true guarantee Is that our hearts get bro-o-o-o-ken. MARCY Jersey? BARTENDER I got on the wrong train. Back in the first grade, I knew this girl. There was some magic In the notes that we passed. One day while playing in the sand I made a move to hold her hand. She said, “I think that things are moving to fast.” DIANA Tease. COCKTAIL WAITRESS One time in high school. I had a crush. So I thought I’d ask him out to the prom. But he said, “Ya know what honey, Though you’re charming And you’re funny. I love you the way a boy loves his mom. MARCY That’s not good. BARTENDER AND COCKTAIL WAITRESS Oh why do we do it, Continue to pursue it When it ends up hurting us to the core? COCKTAIL WAITRESS It’s because though it sounds corny, You feel love BARTENDER Or you feel horny. BARTENDER AND COCKTAIL WAITRESS What do we do it for? MARCY But it got easier as we get older. DIANA AND MARCY Right? BARTENDER Yeah right. I had this good friend that I loved for years. One day I thought, “This situation must end.” So I said, “I love you truly.” And she responded coolly, “Oh, I love you too, but just as a friend.” DIANA Don’t be friends! COCKTAIL WAITRESS I met this great guy right here at this bar. And we talked and talked and talked about life. Then he said, “My God you’re pretty, And you’re interesting, And you’re witty, You know you remind me a lot of my wife.” BARTENDER Sing it girls. BARTENDER, COCKTAIL WAITRESS, DIANA AND MARCY Why do we do it? There must be something to it, That keeps us coming right back for more. MARCY This thing love it keeps me guessing. DIANA This is getting damn depressing. ALL What do we do it for? COCKTAIL WAITRESS We try and try and try, It’s as if the God’s up in the sky hate us. DIANA Sing child. BARTENDER It’s now so bad that I Am going on a dating hiatus. COCKTAIL WAITRESS Ooo hoo I hear you. DIANA I think there is a curse. MARCY You know I’m certain of it because. DIANA Testify. MARCY Just when it can’t get worse. Lookie here. DIANA Fuck me! BARTENDER, COCKTAIL WAITRESS, DIANA AND MARCY It does. BARTENDER I’ll wait here Alone at this bar. With each drink it’s more depressing and sad. COCKTAIL WAITRESS Maybe I should give up dating ‘Cause I feel like I’m just waiting For a guy to say, “You look like my dad.” MARCY Oh! BARTENDER Oh! DIANA Oh! BARTENDER, COCKTAIL WAITRESS, DIANA AND MARCY We keep at it, Even though we’ve had it, And the signs are getting hard to ignore. MARCY They’re all saying, “Ha, ha, got you. DIANA Love’s for people who are not you.” BARTENDER, COCKTAIL WAITRESS, DIANA AND MARCY What do we do it for? BARTENDER You ladies want another round? DIANA Sure. BARTENDER Okay, We’ll just take it out of her tips. Yes, but then again You just never know. In a moment he might walk through that door. MARCY Then he’d stop my heart from sinking DIANA And my head from over thinking. BARTENDER AND COCKTAIL WAITRESS That’s what we do it for. BARTENDER, COCKTAIL WAITRESS, DIANA AND MARCY That’s why we do it Why we put our poor selves through it. That’s what we do it… For! DIANA Marcy. MARCY Let’s go. DIANA I know you’re hurt. And right now you want to do, what comes easy, And not risk, what seems secure. You can insert Catherine right into your ideal life. But is that what you’re looking for? Easy might be easy. But you want more. We all need someone Who makes us question what we know. They’ll stretch your limits. if you don’t stretch you’ll never grow. We all need someone who can open up new doors. Jeff is mine. Marcy’s yours. JEFF When we first met I just wanted to get in her pants. But after a while, I still wanted to get into her pants. But then i got in her pants And I wondered, “What if I gave this a chance?” Nothing could have prepared me For the way I felt, The way it scared me. We all need someone Who will see that we’re bizarre, And love us anyway, ‘Cause they see who we really are. I was lost in a canoe, I needed someone I love to bring me oars. Diana’s mine. Marcy’s yours. DIANA What did you just say? JEFF It was just a stupid metaphor. DIANA No, you said you loved me. JEFF I did! You’re the person I want to be better for DIANA You better have meant it and it better not be Just an accidental blunder. JEFF Bull! I meant it. DIANA You did? JEFF And it feels wonderful. DIANA We all need someone DIANA AND JEFF Who admits that we’re odd, And loves us anyway ‘Cause they see through our façade. DIANA You’ll finally feel as though, You’ve got your ducks all in a line . JEFF They’re wrong for you, even so Their voice sends shivers down your spine. DIANA AND JEFF You try to keep them out, but they know, To look through the tarnish, right to the shine. DIANA Jeff, JEFF Diana, DIANA AND JEFF I’m yours. AUSTIN Marcy’s mine. AUSTIN Marcy, Marcy’s mine. And I’m hers. And it’s true She isn’t perfect. And that’s fine. But what happens now To the life I thought I knew? I had my whole life planned out. There was no surprise to speak of. I knew without a doubt What life was all about. But now I’m caught because I’m choosing Between the life I may be losing And Marcy, who I love. I try to stay the course I think of Marcy and I wander. There’s this pulling aching force. And I'm certain of the source. At first I did my best to completely destroy it. Now I’m starting to enjoy it. Is this goodbye to knowing my next move? Goodbye to knowing where I stand? This change isn’t small. Do I go back on all I‘ve planned? And say, “Hello” to uncertain mornings. Just awake and take it from there. But i may regret This choice ‘cause I’m reeling. It’s too much to bet On a whim That i’m feeling. Too much is resting on my Saying, “Goodbye.” But then there’s Marcy Who sees who I am And still has the nerve to care. I know that Marcy Won’t give a damn If I plan my life out Or leave it up to chance Or set up shop on the moon. She’ll love me anyway. So I say, “Goodbye” To my expectations. “Goodbye” To everything I know. No rules to obey So I’ll wake every day and I’ll go Full steam into who knows what? Who cares? As long as Marcy’s by my side. I used to just do What was planned and prepared I wouldn’t trust chance, Because I was too scared. But Marcy is my reason Now to try. So to who I used to be And the life I thought I wanted. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye! AUSTIN Marcy, look at you. You make decisions Without thinking twice. In fact, barely once. Marcy, look at you. You go see a show without checking the listings. You join a new club each day, And the next day change your mind. That once drove me crazy That that’s who you were. But that’s who you are. I love you because You’re not the person i dreamed of at all. I love you because You make me feel like a fool. You don’t do what’s expected. You’re handed a rule, And it’s quickly rejected. And it’s easy to say, “I love you anyway.” But I don’t. I love you because. MARCY Austin look at you, With your big goofy smile, And freshly pressed shirt, And constant tie. Austin look at you. You want what is quiet and structured and normal I tried to say that’s okay, But it all came out all wrong. It would have gone better, If only I said What you just said to me. I love you because You’re not the person i dreamed of at all. I love you because You have too many reasons behind Your every move and decision. You make up you mind With routine and precision. And it’s easy to say, “I love you anyway.” But I don’t. I love you because. AUSTIN People will call us insane. Insane to love someone who’s so clearly wrong. But now it seems that wrong Is the right way to go. MARCY People will say that we’re crazy. Crazy to fall for each other but Then again, what do they know? AUSTIN AND MARCY I pushed you away, you weren’t at all The person I wanted to answer my call. The things I used to question I’m seeing anew. MARCY I wanted someone like me. JEFF Who wouldn’t ask hard questions. DIANA Who'd share all my thoughts. AUSTIN Who'd share all my fears. AUSTIN, DIANA, JEFF, AND MARCY Now all I want Is to be here with you. I love you because You’re not the person i dreamed of at all. I love you because You push me a direction That I thought was closed. You’re the answer to a question That I never posed. ALL And it’s easy to say, “I love you anyway.” MARCY But I won’t say, “I love you anyway.” AUSTIN And I’ll never say, ALL “I love you anyway.” AUSTIN, DIANA, JEFF AND MARCY ‘Cause I don’t. I love you because. |